Christmas ...a little unconventional

& it begins...
So this year Christmas was on Friday the 24th for us. A little unconventional-yes, confusing-a little....will it happen again-probably. As much as its nice that I don't have to work monday thru friday 9-5, along with the unconventional hours comes celebrating holidays a little different.
We've had our tree since just after Thanksgiving. We weren't sure how it would go over w/Lil but overall it went well. I understand that I missed a few snack times that were centered around eating the ornaments as well as using the tree as a comfy seat, or perhaps it landed her fall. But overall, considering that its still standing & I consider it a success.
So Friday, Christmas, began with heating up the oven to make cinnamon rolls, yum & heading to the tree, I mean wrapping presents 1st & then heading to the tree for presents. It really was focused around Lil. My parents bought her a tricycle that for now has a push handle, she also received a stroller for her babies, magnets for the fridge, more touch & feel books (her favorite), clothes and an amazing box full of goodies from our friends in Cali. Her favorite in that box so far has been a tea set, a little mermaid boom box/radio, little muppet stuffed animals & well its been so fun to watch her play w/some new stuff.
Eli & I set a minimal budget for each other....for which we purchased each other some goodies from World Market-love that place. A little elf (or angel) gave us a gift to enjoy a date on them & we can't wait to do that...so generous. :)

All the unwrapping was probably done by 10am & then we had eggs, sticky rolls & egg nog lattes. We hung out the rest of the morning & my parents made there way over by 2ish. We were gonna head over to Duke for their children's service, but our child slept about 2 hrs right up until the service...we missed it--never wake a sleeping baby/kid.
We took a quick stroll w/Lil's new bike, it was pretty chilly out there & then made our way over to our pastor's house. He & his family was hosting service & snacks. It was intimate & nice. They had it by their fire place and about 20+ people attended. The place we typically rent out for our Durham service didn't make sense since so many people were going out of town. We usually have 100+ people in attendance.
Then our last venture for the day was PF Changs, my parents had never been. So good....And so that was Christmas a bit early in our household.
I hope yours was as good as ours. Maybe next year we can celebrate for a bit longer...I was work bound all weekend...
And I was kind of surprised & impressed w/the snow we received. Wow, I awoke to a white filled world. That drive was messy...and now it's just about all melted.


Chef in training....
& she hugged the box, theres a baby on it

2am Thoughts

When mamma is away she works, thinks of her family, works a little more & thinks of her family A LOT more. Items that have crossed my mind.

1.E & I need a date night. Even if we just go to a park & walk or hold an adult conversation without being interrupted every other second. Not that I mind - I love little Lil, but you know what I don't think we've had many conversations lately where we aren't interrupted or I'm not exhausted or Eli isn't beat.

2.I want to love a little more & worry A LOT less in the new year or heck just going forward.

3.Be more organized, yes Eli you too.

4.Procrastinate less......this will be an ongoing goal on my part

5.Pray a little more--ok A LOT more.....

catch my theme....ok back 2 work

The Good, the bad & the ugly

The good well is really good. I love my family a lot! That hardly poetically explains how I truly feel about them, really it doesn't....so I will just say I love them A LOT.:)






The bad, well I feel that is when I get extremely inpatient. So much in our lives right now seems to be this waiting game. Waiting for answers, for easy fixes, for resolutions. When at times it feels like my heart should just be more patient but I have these times when I get SO inpatient & frustrated, do I show it often-no, do I want to-sometimes. My heart at times just wishes I could just remain focused on all the good stuff & not worry about the bad stuff, especially knowing the 'bad' could be so much worse.
The ugly, is to me when the bad just turns messy & our hearts just aren't pretty. The stuff we often don't want to talk about. We get news, we wait for news & yet I've realized its best not to wait for what never may come, for what we want isn't always the plan.

Done, did my hair

With a lot of resistance on one of our parts, without saying names....Liliana got her hair cut @ home today. We looked up places to go, kind of costly I'd say @ $25 & up...no thank-you. Think Gram Lyon was a little disappointed but I think we'll save that trip for when she's a little older.
So the hair cut was needed. Lil walks around, after she's pulled out her hair bows, ties, elastics & its all in her eyes. I've been wanting it trimmed for a bit & then truth be known my mom was definitely on board. Plus with a maiden voyage to Santa, well we needed to have Lil see who's lap she'd be landing on.

So we broke out Itsy Bitsy on Youtube, and played it over & over, with much resistance I think we made it through with about four replays. Bea, I think you'd be rather proud of your brother.

BEFORE:




AFTER:

My Job Today

My one goal was to have outdoor time with Lil today. Not a bad way to start the week off. We made it there about 10am. It was a quiet time at Forest Hills Park. Me & Lil had fun. I just let my heart absorb the cool, beauty of the park on a late fall day. It was beautiful, I was in awe of the colors remaining on the trees & just let Lil run around as we awaited our friends to arrive. It was perfect!

All we needed on this Monday was just a little time @ the park, love it.

(ok....something funky is happening, can't download more pics) :(

FULL

We are full. Full hearts, souls, bellies. We are so thankful for our amazing friends. Coming to our rescue time & time again. This would have been a very different year without friends caring for us, loving us, cooking for us. WE can't even say how much you all mean to us. Thank-you!
Thank-full for family being closer and for family that are so consistently prayerful for us. Thank-you.
Thank-full for each other, for Little Lil. For amazing meals. For challenging times that we couldn't imagine but are soooo much stronger for. 2011 we can't even imagine what more we'll have to be Thank-full for.

We Couldn't Make This Up Even if We Tried

Ok, so you're pretty well versed in our lives right now...bills to pay, shoulder surgery, home for sale (well at least it was for 6 months), more surgery for Eli, job hunting for Eli....and well A LOT of love for each other.

Well today Friends & Family Eli had an interview. A real life, face-to-face interview. It happened quickly, well yes--he's been looking for a year, but between the time the recruiter called & set it up it was relatively quick. We probably wouldn't have preferred that it was the same week he had his appendix out but we're realizing God has a pretty good sense of humor.

So the interview went well, met with directors & VPs and even HR peeps. We've been talking about it for about the last hour or so. While we were discussing it all Eli got a phone call from a colleague in California, someone he worked w/at at his last job in telecommunications. His colleague called to see if Eli was still looking for work, did I say that Eli worked with him 3 yrs. ago. Pretty amazing...there's more. So the inside tip was for a big project that's happening in Raleigh, hiring about 20 PRMs. Then I could hear him say ya, its such & such company & Eli said ya I just came home from interviewing there. We originally thought we was calling to tell us that they already called for a reference...but it was completely coincidence. Or more so God driven.

I cried not for Eli having an interview or even the possibly of getting a job. I felt overwhelmed with emotion cause I've been in these season of questioning, asking why us, wondering why is He doing this to us. And now I'm beginning to step back & really bear witness in being faithful. He truly loves us that much. I'm not gonna say that it ALL makes sense but here I am 30 some odd years into my life & I'm just beginning to open my eyes & heart to His majesty.

Appy. 2010

So many people fall on hard times. I could compare our hard times with others or I could compare our challenges with other fluffy, fun filled lives that I admire. This can begin to get sooo destructive.
We seem to be in this season of crash & burn. I've tried at times to separate myself from all the wants...job for Eli, house to sell, healthy bodies, pay down bills. But honestly it hasn't helped. I feel if we actually seem to be on a better path something else happens. How do I see God in this?

I've had an out pouring of emotions lately--and when I get this way I wonder why. I think initially it all feels like way tooo much for me to handle alone, so I try & turn to Him. And for a while things seem better but then something is layered on top. And so I turn back to Him and this cycle is going on & on & on, and honestly I'm not feeling the LOVE right now. I'm not feeling much, other than being overwhelmed. How can we pay these bills down? Why won't someone give Eli a job? Doesn't someone want to buy this house? We don't need any more bills....

Thankfully Eli is home, he made it through his appendectomy without any glitches, and I feel bad when my mind goes to that place where I wonder how are we gonna pay for it? What are we gonna do?

I know what does keep joy in our hearts is Lil. She is this innocent, lovely child.
Full of laughter, funny faces & noises. Everday seems possible w/her.

DAY Shift

So with a bit of anticipation I did my first DAY shift today, after being away from days @ work for a year. I mainly worked days prior to having Lil, did it for about 1 1/2 yrs. & then I went to nights after maternity leave. It allowed me to cut back a day & get paid more with the night differential. Well, recently my long awaited time of being on the list for 'Weekend Option' was granted (yes-the differential for this is better than working nights)....but its DAYs & not Nights & so I'm just getting use to the switch. I won't work every weekend & will try to figure out the best schedule for us.

Its purely a family decision, if it works for our family I'll do it. Its not easy to be away all day, but hopefully on my days off I won't be as tired. I won't be working all weekends & will supplement my other shifts on nights. We hope & pray to grow our family in the next year & I hope this works well with that too...

Plus I still pray (often) that Eli will find the job that he's been searching for or more so the job will find him, plus it would be an added blessing to sell this house.

*and HAPPY (official) 16 Months to our Lil' Bear---> WE love you so much! ~hugs~

16 months (almost)

Two distinct items are occurring @ our household this week.

1. Lil's sleep pattern is being affected by teething. Since about 9 months she's been predictable in her sleep pattern. Down around 7:30--up 12 hrs. later. Sporadically we've had some random early wake up calls, but overall she's a great night time sleeper. So we've wondered if this was coming, we've read/heard about the changes that can come along with teething. She does have 6 teeth now, but not until now has she it affected her. It comes in waves....no distinct pattern which keeps us on our toes. Sometimes its at bedtime, other times its a few hours after going to sleep or our favorite at 4am. We're trying to see what works best for her: rocking, swaying, holding, teething rings, pacifiers, frozen facecloths, frozen fruit & lastly motrin. We've yet to try teething tablets & didn't see any at Target yesterday.
I know most families with youngings may have experienced this earlier on, but I guess we are just vamping up for them all to come in soon or at least over the next few months & trying to figure out how to ease this transition for Lil & well, us too.

2. Secondly, she's urinating through her nighttime diapers now. Just thought I'd mention it....one day I might wonder did she do this? And well now its documented.

Personalities

Here we are, just short of Lil's 16 mos. birthday. This morning I was talking about personalities with my friend at the park. We stated that we knew what kind of personalities our children had at a very young age.
Lili has always been head strong, fight sleep one minute and then give in on her time. Grab your hand & lead you to her destination, its sweet- she knows what she wants.
The last couple times we've gone to the park other grandmas have said to us, "she's gonna be a handful" or "she's quite forward". Often when we get to new surroundings Lil takes a few moments to take it all in & then goes about her business. Whether thats going up to adults, waving to people walking by or whole heartily going up to other children & grabbing hands, its obvious we are in the season of learning boundaries. She's not always good at giving others their space, yes - she's young & so all of this is a learning experience for her & for us as parents.

I was a shy child & E said he wasn't, I guess being the youngest of so many children he learned early how to hold his own. Guess thats why this morning the grandma asked, "if she was an only child?" Perhaps she acted as if she had older siblings. Somehow she innately can hold her own.
As a mom I'm kind of glad, its hard to be shy, but on the other hand you don't want your child being labeled as the bully either....not that she is, I'm just envisioning the future.

Its amazing how much she learns & understands. She loves sitting at the table in the adult chairs, playing outside & doggies. Wearing & getting shoes is fun too. She loves music, wether its from a phone, the computer the car, anywhere---music is a hit.



Lil w/her favorite puppy-realizing shes got some big shoes to fill




Thinking she might just get that bird @ Duke Gardens

15 Months

** Insert Photo here :(

So our camera has gone on a field trip. To where you ask? Well, back to the shop where we purchased it from & now that I think of it, that was three weeks ago. I must call them tomorrow. It was doing some funny stuff...I miss it. Seriously we take a lot of photos mostly of Lil & now I'm going into withdrawal.

She had her 15 month appointment about a week ago now.
She's:

*22 lbs
*32 inches long


*Has just 4 teeth & two more are about to break through
*Still loves to eat, pretty much anything we do. Eli is so happy to have PB & J sandwiches w/her :)
*Park bound everyday now, the weather broke about 2 weeks ago & now we're able to enjoy a lot more hang time outside
*Knows the bed time routine to a tee. She's down to bed around 7:30ish & typically awakes ~ 8am, lately its been an hour earlier...lucky us.
*Loves going to Gram & Pappas place
*Loves kisses & hugs

....pics to follow (soon I hope)

Sinking Sand

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

—Edward Mote (1797-1874)




Our week or shall I say 6 days since Eli's shoulder surgery on the 29th has felt like sinking sand. Its so easy for me to loose my way, and spin out of control. First and foremost as much as we know Eli's surgery went well, only time will tell how his body responds to what the surgeons did. We were at the hospital by 6:40am & he went back for prep & surgery around 8am.
We made it home around 1pm and Eli had his first vomit episode about an hour later. Then another & another. By then he had some pain meds on board but I honestly didn't know how much cause he kept throwing them up. That in itself felt stressful, cause they kept stressing the urgency of keeping on top of the pain meds. How important it was cause when the anesthesia block wore off, "he would be feeling IT!"
So we got Eli an order of Phenergan STAT and I made it back & forth to Rite Aid pretty quickly. That helped, but still had a little more vomit. So we did our best & spaced out all the meds & got up diligently overnight to make sure he had what he needed. Morning came too quickly.....I think we were zombies. Eli of course more so cause of all the pain meds ingested.
Now at this point Thursday passed sort of with a blur & Eli mentions in the afternoon that he hadn't urinated in like 12+ hours....tick-tock--omg!! So again I called the doctors, they of course insisted that he had to pee or to ER we must go for a catheter. So Eli drank & drank & drank some more. After about dozen visits to the loo-- he made pee!!! YES!!!.....& that was Thursday's drama....
Friday ticked along, Lil had her 15 month check-up...got some shots...and then well her stool was now runny. OMG my poor girl's belly...and all I had in my head is now of course I have to go back to work that night...which I did. All I wanted to do was to stay home, but thank-fully my dad stayed overnight (my mom was home sick @ home d/t the stomach bug). They did well...but then I got a message from Eli overnight, early morning really that he was about to ITCH his skin off. Thinking he was having a reaction to the pain meds. He called the doctor, 3rd time is a charm & they instructed no more pain meds but take Benadryl & supplement with an NSAID.
So I stopped off @ CVS after work, didn't know they were open so early on a Saturday morning, thank-God....and NOW things should be all better right.....
WRONG.....you gotta laugh....(now anyways)
After I have a quick nap, I awaken to an achy body, nasty head & nausea. My eyes hurt...so here we have post-op Eli, nauseous me & a happy Lili....
Thank-fully friends brought food for us Saturday night, good for E & L. Sunday we rested up, more food from friends....& I certainly didn't make it to work that night.....and Monday, lovely Monday we awoke to a bed full of poo from Lili. Poor girl.
Fast forward to Tuesday, Eli's got the stomach bug & thankfully do I dare say I'm doing ok.
We couldn't have imagined this was how our week was going to be. Between friends being by our sides at the hospital, praying for us, watching our child or meals brought to us, we also couldn't be more thank-ful for this family that cares for us so well. Thank-you for all these blessings.

NCMA= Enjoyable

North Carolina Museum of Art


& She's Let Free from the Museum


Looks Like She's found Water


The Fun Begins





So the three of us went to the North Carolina Museum of Art in Raleigh on Thursday. Walking up to the building, it felt a bit reminiscent of San Francisco, not something that seemed very Southern to us anyways. The building is so linear & simplistic from the outside. The Landscaping clean & easy to the eyes. This is the first trip we've taken to see it, and fortunately its only 20 minutes away.

After being welcomed & provided with maps, we made our way through some African & European Art before the little one got a little antsy. So then we checked out the restaurant's menu, yummy...but didn't dine in, instead we made our way outside. Lil got the 1st opportunity to run free, this made her & us happy. She made a bee line to the kid friendly water, we'll call it that anyways. She got soaked, had fun & we laughed. After that we made our way towards the many acres of park the Museum boasts, but spent most of our time in the outside amphitheater. We were surprised to learn that this space is extremely kid friendly, Lil enjoyed roaming about & we took in some of the outdoor art.

My favorite part was the Rodin Garden, with amazing sculptures and a lili pond to boot...simplicity at its best.

Enjoying the Many Faces of Lili

& Alison E. thanks for taking some of these shots, you captured her well.... :)

Green Light, Red Light

Where is the manual? Are you hiding it, I can't seem to find it these days. I know I've blogged about this before being a mom, a wife & having a career. I was a newer mom when I blogged about it, think I wasn't back to work too long & I felt completely inadequate @ work, as a mom & as a wife. My days are dependent on caffeine and constantly trying to catch up on sleep.

I don't mean to feel like a broken record, but after leaving CG tonight & putting my babe to bed I realized what was really on my heart....me trying to find the balance. I thought it would have found me sooner, at least w/in Lili's first 12 months but that has come & gone & still I often feel scattered.
My schedule at work varies & perhaps if that was set perhaps I would feel a little more structure. I like structure. Am I dependent on it, these days not such much. Do I feel like I need it a little more these days-YES.
So its been some time where Liliana & I have spent the whole day together & honestly it was lovely. But constantly in the back of my head, I kept thinking I'm back to work the next 2 nights & so it feels like my 'mommy' duty is put on hold. I resume to my life on Thursday, as this tired person. I feel as if I'm in this constant green light, red light game that is my life.
Its consuming, and tiring, but also full of love.
I just continue to feel as if I don't do anything great these days, I want to be a great mom, I want to be a great wife & worker, but I feel I do one & the other one gives.

Please, I'm waiting & still searching for that manual...I promise I'll give it back.

Dairy is sometimes just really good for the Soul

So our trip to Maple View Farms was just what we needed... a summer drive through the country that ended with some cool, refreshing ice-cream. I don't think it gets much better than this.
Lately, I've gone from wanting to live by the coast to back to San Francisco to now wanting to be in the 'country'. What a scenic, simple ride once you get off of 40. It reminded me of where I grew up in NH, yet now I didn't mind being so far off the beaten path. I rather enjoyed it.

We got some cones & just rocked on the front porch, then ran around in the grass a little & took the sunset in. It was definitely worth 5 bucks and a twenty minute ride.

Summer Should ALWAYS be this TASTEY....

Pre-Summer warm up:



End of June w/blackberries....





Simple pleasures of summer, we definitely don't eat out like we used, but we've been blessed with some wonderful food from friends and local vendors. Our favorites have been the blackberries & peaches from the Durham Farmer's Market. Whether eaten in its pure form or in a cobbler, yum!

My friend's chickens have provided some wonderful egg sandwiches....a nice way to wake up after a night shift. I can eat breakfast any time of the day.

We've been making lots of pizzas with more veggies from friends gardens & CSAs~thank-you & my favorite as of late is a tomato, corn, cilantro, mango & red onion salad....poor Eli, I think I ate the whole bowl.








Liliana's favorite, blackberry & yogurt pops:

And we did Camp....

So our days at the beach turned into hours, and our days camping turned into 2, well 2 nights & barely three days.
This was our first camping trip with Lili and as much as I wanted it to be one thing well it turned out to be very much something else. I must repeat what I wanted didn't pan out. I wanted was a week at the beach & what I needed to realize is that is NOT what my family can do right know.

So this is what it was & as I think about it I know how very fortunate I am.
We arrived at a remote campground, amongst a lot of history in Creswell, NC. Pettigrew State Park which includes Phelps Lake. What I appreciated is that I got to walk on a former southern plantation rich in history, which was just a stroll away from our campsite. A stroll in the other direction brought us to a boat launch to a massive calm lake. While driving into the campground off of 64, we were surprised at the landscape. Creswell is mainly a farm town amongst miles & miles of canals, which we learned to have been dug by slaves centuries ago. Again, amazing history.

We did get to spend a few hours at Nags Head on the Outer Banks & got to check out the Currituck Lighthouse. It was impressive.
We did spend a lot of time watching Liliana: she explored, got dirty, got frustrated at small things, big things. She was just so on the go & at times I think her mind keeps going but her actions don't quite keep up & so she falls. And so falling outside on sticks & rocks hurt compared to carpet inside our comfy home. She was a trooper we all slept together in our tent.
All I can say about that is Lili is a great sleeper at home now, sleeps 12 hours straight @ night. It was not the case when we were camping. She struggled quite a bit when she would wake up, while at home she still awakens @ night in her crib, but falls quickly back to sleep. In the tent she would do so & then cry and cry and cry some more, sometimes standing, sometimes rolling around, over us in the tent. She did better the second night, but still nothing like at home. Even trying to fall asleep was different. And well of course we realize it wasn't home, she did great for the first time.

We did realize by Tuesday night she wasn't herself, had a fever & so we packed it up the next am & came back. Now Eli & her aren't so hot.... :(
(this was last week & now we are all much, much better)

This definitely won't keep us back from camping at all. We just think we may eliminate some of the factors, heat & it not being the 1st time. In a few months in the fall it will be a new & different experience for us all again....
And also what I realized its not about me, what I want - what I need to happen. Its about letting go & just enjoying the time that we have as a family, all together.