From Bean town to California to an unexpected North Carolina. We gave birth to this Blog after our miscarriage in July 2008 & it continues with the birth of Liliana in July of 2009. We are so truly blessed.
When this momma is cooking & the baby is crying & you just don't pay attention to what you are doing. I was about as excited as one person can be about making dinner, actually I was. You see if you know me at ALL you know I DO NOT like to cook. But once in a while (a long while), I get the inkling to do so. So let me back up to the previous night, I think I need to include this so you know my mood d/t my lack of sleep. Liliana thought it was a good idea to eat via me every 2 hours last night. One feeding was even a double feeding meaning, she ate fell asleep, I put her in the co-sleeper to barely fall asleep, to then hear her stirring about 30 mins. later for more milk....wow. So awoke pretty tired. So it was rather perfect when Amy texted to meet @ Bean Traders this morning. My goal was to to go for a 'run' (walk/run) this am, but honestly coffee was calling.
So we had a good morning w/girl chat, then Target & lunch w/Eli at home, but then little babe didn't want to sleep. Again, still not the best day napper unless she's on me & today after doing the Moby @ BT & Target I needed a break---her & I were sweaty, but me stubborn me thinks no A/c for me cause its Fall! :) Well she went down for maybe 20 minutes & I honestly tried to sleep during this time & then remembered my ingredients for quiche were calling my name & well the afternoon was passing & we have Community Group tonight.
So Liliana & I came downstairs (her well fed) & me still tired & ALL she wanted to do is scream w/tears. This makes me sad, frustrated & worn out, but me, stubborn me am still determined to make dinner. So I put her down on the play mat, still screaming, me talking to her from a distance trying to quickly make dinner. I was excited cause there were two pie crusts. Double dinner, yeah!! So I separate the pie crusts, get all my ingredients prepped & wondered why there was an xtra pie tin. Without thinking about it again I poured the contents equally btw. the pie crusts & put one into the oven easily & went to lift the other one up & that was a no go. SO the tin that was to the right of the oven was suppose to be under the crust w/filling to the left of the oven....Needless to say I made a big ole mess & well now there is only ONE Quiche... Now there is a hot mamma & a naked baby on the play mat. I refused again stubbornly NOT to turn the A/C back on, but she's kicking & playing happily now, and well tears turned into smiles once again for baby & me....
I am in between modes lately of being a wife, mommy, maid and worker bee. I returned to work this week & well....its work. I'm not sure what I make of it thus far. I was challenged while @ work & I know that will continue to be the case. I like the challenge at times & other times I just wish I knew more. It was different being there & thinking I have a child @ home. I felt blessed that I have a healthy child but also felt torn to see all those sick newborns on our unit.
All I could think of is what does God have in store for me, where does He see me in the next few years. How will mommy me & RN me mesh?
Side note: Liliana @ 11 weeks is
1. Intentionally grabbing items hanging from her play mat 2. Turning almost onto her side 3. Active, smiling & just a lot of fun to be around 4. Sleep- Still sleeping in a 5 hr burst when you 1st put her down at night, then feedings are usually every 2-3 hrs. Some naps during the day, but still quick at that.
So this is the 'Last Week' before work. Doesn't that sound just DREADFUL, but honestly I don't feel like that. I've been getting the, 'Oh back to work' sad face from many people. I appreciate it, but at the same time I don't feel all down in the dumps about going back. Maybe because: A. I like my job B. I miss a different kind of mind stimulating challenge C. Do hope that my brain can still multi-task in that manner & hey maybe it can do it EVEN better
Parenting is tough, challenging, exhausting, but its also amazing, mind stimulating & well fun (or funny-sometimes you just have to laugh cause otherwise you might cry).
This going back to work thing has been on my mind for quite some time, I've discussed it w/friends, at community group & of course w/Eli. It will be a challenge for he & I. I think we're being good at remembering its a season of our life & its not forever. We'll have to juggle two jobs, lay ministry, family life & our social life. Not that we have super duper busy social life, but I count museum trips or hanging out w/the girls or guys as that kind of time. I want to NOT make excuses as I'm tired not to indulge in this time w/friends or more importantly w/each other. Work is something we do as means to make more time w/family & friends. I feel fortunate, extremely blessed to be in a career that allows me to do this. I am cutting back from 3 days a week every week, 36 hours-to 3 days one week-2 days the next. This seems do-able & a lot less when you cut out just one day. This means I will work 10 days a month compared to someone who works 20 days (5 days a week). Don't get me wrong the 20 day person is home for dinner most every night & doesn't have to do overngiht shifts, but that is where me-the unconventional person doesn't mind it-for NOW anyways...this too could change one day.
So as I've been saying to many I am back to work Monday night, please pray for Eli & Liliana for as much as they've been together & Eli does such an amazing job w/her, she is well feisty @ night & loves the boob to fall asleep. I know there isn't a challenge Eli isn't up for but I'd prefer that spending time w/ our daughter isn't one of them, or at least that it doesn't have to be that way.
Note: Liliana @ 10 weeks is FUN!!
*She wakes up in the morning kicking & laughing in the co-sleeper, we spend time just watching her wake up with so much joy. She's been doing this for a couple weeks now. *Sleep overnight still is good. She goes down between 9-10 pm & eats for the 1st time btw. 2-4 am. (If we get her to bed later-due to parents malfunction-she fights it & is not a happy camper). *Sleeps about 2 hours at most during the day. Apparently still doesn't like day naps, but only if we're moving-the car, or in the Moby *Is well just lovely- she smiles, coos & LOVES her play mat--THANKS Micah (& Amy of course)
Moby time w/mom:
Liliana & Micah time:
See Micah-I love the mat- I can do tummy time & check all this fun stuff out.
My mind is a rambling amount of thoughts..this how I think, how I speak often. I miss my friend already, how can this be. Three nights out of 365 is not enough. I laugh a lot, I miss her- I love her. How is it that we got to meet but now have lived apart so much longer than we have lived together. I don't quite know how to thank-you for coming here, meeting my daughter. My heart is full right now. Its midnight I know I should go to bed, I need to go to bed. I am my daughters nourishment & she will be summoning me in the next three hours, but I don't want to forget & have it go unrecognized, how much I enjoyed your days here. From the time we got you @ the airport, I was relaxed & didn't worry, but enjoyed our Saturday together. Hanging out- enjoying you, enjoying my daughter. Then being able to share a Sunday & our life w/you. Its that simple you partook in what is so important to me. A Sunday, waking, walking, sharing, feeding, enjoying this day together. Sleeping daughter, awake baby...to church we must go baby. See daddy, sit, listen & let Him wash through you. I enjoyed that morning together. Tiring out our Lili, dancing/running man Lili. More sleeping Lili. Football, food, more laughs. Then Monday. My day, walks w/Lili (was that a deer?), food together, more walks-waiting for Eli in Raleigh. This was our time. Oh Sushi time...E-Harmony laughs. Knowing, praying & loving every minute of it. I can't wait to meet him, I know-I know he is out there for you Sarah. God is too Good to let an amazing women, walk alone. I love you my friend. :) Safe travels.
So as per my last post Ms. Lili-bug didn't ended up taking the bottle Sunday night. We tried, meaning Eli full heartedly tried again Tuesday. He did the whole bath routine alone with her, in hopes to distract & conquer I think. The bath went well, I was listening the whole time, w/the bedroom door closed...smiling mostly. Then they made their way upstairs, pj time. I kept saying, "Please take it, please take it..." Then it started crying & crying & more crying....how much can a mamma take, my heart aches when she cries like that. But he sure tried, trying to talk to her while she was crying...walking around to calm her down & trying again. I lost track of time of how long it lasted, I made my way down stairs & so did they...he handed her over & she just latched on & fed like she hadn't eaten in days. She didn't look at me & then I felt worse, probably all in my mind but I just felt bad.
Felt bad for her, for eli, for me having to go back to work. Even if I didn't have to go back to work I would eventually want to leave the house for an extended amount of time in hopes that she would take the bottle. My work schedule has me away from home for about 14 hrs., thats a Long time not to eat.
After she ate she was sooo awake (kind of unusual), so we placed her in the crib to hang out. She hasn't lasted in there much more than 30 mins. in the last 9 weeks. Well, tonight she fell asleep & didn't peep to eat till 2:30am, she went down by 9pm. Wow...
Then Eli tried again, with the bottle then a medicine dropper....Again neither took. When she awakens to eat overnight she pretty much eats & then goes back to sleep. NOPE...she all out cried AGAIN...so I again cried, sitting on the edge of the bed, as I listened to Eli patiently in the nursery w/her....this weighs on my & eli's heart.... So here I am @ 5am, still awake from the 2:30am feed...ugh....I did some retail therapy, chatted online w/another late night awake friend, sent out some emails & now realizing her 2 month appt. @ the Pediatrician's is in 3 hrs...I should really get some more sleep eye. Liliana, Eli----we will get through this. :)
I never thought NOT feeding my baby & allowing someone else to do so would be so hard. So its about 8:30 pm Sunday night & Eli is upstairs with Liliana trying to bottle feed. By the sounds of things, raspy crying(ongoing)--it is not going so well.
We've decided: 1.We will try one bottle feed per day prior to me going back to work (in 2 weeks) 2.I will remain out of the picture, hence them being upstairs 3.Its NOT impossible....We know she will take the bottle, she has 3x already
Exception to rule #2-This is PROOF though!!
Well they are back downstairs & well it was a no go for now. We also read that its best to separate attempts at bottle feeding & breast feeding--to do something completely different in between so the baby isn't rewarded for not taking the bottle....Eli has got some patience. This won't be any easier when I'm @ work for 12+ hrs.... :(
Ok, so my first post of this just got deleted..bummer. What I blogged about already was that we've all been sick. First Liliana, then me & now Eli. Lili's cold peaked on Wednesday. That night she was so uncomfortable sleeping; coughing, sneezing & thrashing around in the co-sleeper next to the bed, that I just laid awake all night watching her. By 3amish I got her up & we went into the guest bedroom, there I felt like I could at least lie w/her & nurse her on demand to comfort her & we could both be sick in there & allow Eli to rest (& not get sick--so much for this). It seemed to work better, but it was still so hard to watch her in so much discomfort. I was needless to say, a walking zomby on Thursday.
Eli thankfully picked up some babies vapor rub & we all sat in the bathroom for a little steam that night. That helped, I was able to suction quite a bit out. I chose to sleep w/her again in the guest room for more comfort feeds for her, this time it was less frequent. Still a long night as I find myself unable to sleep soundly when she's sick.
Friday was better & today even better. She awoke smiling & cooing in the co-sleeper today. I got to sleep in the guest bedroom ALONE by choice. Eli was on baby watch last night & I got to sleep...yeah for sleep.
The other item we attempted to do this week was bottle feed. We learned quickly we should NOT do this with a sick babe & aborted that mission...until this am, when she awoke all bright eyed & smiling. I pumped & eli fed. Well, it was not that simple. Eli tried to feed, she would not have it. She played with the nipple in her mouth, then forcefully pushed it away. Now, she has taken it two times before so we thought we were in the clear. I go back to work in 2 short weeks. We just read up on what to do...so here we go, please God, guide our little babe in options other than the boob. :)
Ok, so I decided the plan for the day was to try to get this 8 week old babe asleep in the crib, or at least continue working on it. Perhaps some progress today. Well, she's been upstairs oh, lets see maybe 10 mins. & I think she's chatty but on the verge of wait for it---yeap TEARS & full out crying....ok, baby steps Alison.
Tired baby + Crib = Sleep (or at least it should in my mind). But she's telling me something & so I must go....
....Just came back down stairs.... This is how it went: Picked up babe, Lili did a few lip quivers & pouts-tears included, little hands grabbed my robe (yes still in pj's), thick spit up on me & her, eyes rolled back & lids closed-asleep baby....
Why do I get this itchiness to get stuff done or do something..but never know where to start. Like today, here we are its 11:30am already & I haven't gotten anything done, WAIT I'll take that back I've fed Lili 2x & did the dishes, but I want to do something more than that. I'm always up for an adventure, a drive- a new place to explore.
Part of me is thinking when I start work in 2 1/2 weeks I won't be motivated to do anything at all besides work. I feel like I have to fit what I want to get 'done' before work is here. This I'm sure won't be true, or perhaps for the first few weeks it will be- until we find a new way of fitting work into our lives again. Truly though I can't think like that cause life won't stop cause work starts again. Work will be work & our life will continue outside of that.
Ok so I had this Ramen-Cabbage salad for the first time @ the V-21 Jordan Lake Baptism & I couldn't stop thinking about it since. Yesterday we made it & YUM!! So I hope I don't over load on it cause it does have cabbage. My understanding is that cabbage & baby (via mom's breast milk) is not a good mix. Its not a ton of cabbage but maybe enough to mess with her tummy...we'll find out.
I love this salad cause it's crunchy & cold, it has almonds & sunflower seeds & well instead of doing as much as cabbage as the recipe calls for we substituted sliced carrots. Mel: please tell me this is somewhat healthy, my appetite is like ten fold now.....seriously--is it ok?
Anywho, a bowl is sitting next to me, asking to be eaten.....