From Bean town to California to an unexpected North Carolina. We gave birth to this Blog after our miscarriage in July 2008 & it continues with the birth of Liliana in July of 2009. We are so truly blessed.
So our male counterparts, our husbands have been really good about meeting every week for coffee to talk about 'Guy' stuff, amongst other things. Well since our big Durham group split this fall, I have been missing the other women in the group. We all have busy lives...family, jobs, church, homes and babies on the way. I've realized though I need & desire this connection to my new friends. I'm so used to doing things my way and living in my relationship & not opening up about what goes on. By having this coffee time, & talking & listening, I'm growing and learning more about myself than I ever could on my own. Thank-you!!
So, we made a trip last week to Lowes. Our initial seek & find trip. We are remodeling our 1/2 bath downstairs. Tearing down the wallpaper, adding a new sink & well more to come. For now these are the pics of items we may purchase.... Our goal is have it done by Oct. 4th, Amy's baby shower that will be at our home. What a good excuse, right? :) So here are some pedestal sinks. Still have to pick out lighting, & fixtures. And need to paint & put up bead board...how exciting!! :)
So where do the days, weeks, months go. I was told this would happen when I got older, & well its happening, time is just flying by. I am soooo HAPPY that its fall, its definitely my most favorite & now being back on this coast for Fall, I realized completely how much I missed it! So to celebrate the welcoming of fall...I baked, yes I did, Apple Crisp for our Community Group on Monday night. It was tasty, I hope all enjoyed. Tuesday I met my friend Truly for coffee in the am, with the scent of pumpkin & spice, yes the season is here. And then spent the afternoon with Holly & hubby searching for the right flowers/plants. Her entry way to her home is always so inviting. I asked for her guidance, because she has experience planting here in NC which is new to us. Our first experience in the spring ended with Bunnies eating ALL of our pansies. So we got Spapdragons & some Kale.
This weekend I'm going to pick up some Mums @ the Durham Farmer's Market...decidedly the best price in town! Yesterday & Wednesday I did this thing called work. :) Weds. was an extremely long day I clocked in @ 6:30am and left @ 9:30pm. For a couple hours after work I had to go to training for new monitors that we're getting next week. My friend Charity & I decided to get it all done with on the same day we were working, yes it made for a long day, but boy I slept great that night & again today, my day off--I awoke @ 10am, not typically like me.... We also went to some friend's home who were hosting an 'Office' party...Go Dunder Mifflin! :)
Of emotions that is. So I awoke-feeling glad that I had yet another day of no work, but also feeling a little crabby, cause I was feeling cramps. After a visit to the bathroom, I realized I have my period... :( I thought I would cry right away, instead I tried to search for my feelings. I knew I was disappointed, but I also felt numb. When you're trying to get pregnant, your period is the last thing you want. I would welcome, aching boobs, bloated-ness & all that comes along with the beginning of being pregnant, but I won't be celebrating any of these feelings for at least another 30 days. So I had a day thus far of praying, walking @ Duke Forest & shopping @ Target. Part of me wishes I could truly express what I'm feeling, and the other part just wishes I could cry & believe that when it will happen it will.
So, I gotta say I'm not a night person. On a normal schedule, I am an early riser. I love beating the sunrise or at least meeting it while I'm out on a walk/run. Recently my schedule has been going back & forth btw. night/days. I do surprisingly like working nights, though. People on nights tend to be a bit more layed back & well the vibe is too. Some people are like, ugh-you work nights & can't even fathom doing it, but honestly its not that bad. On a side note at work, I think about the babies I take of from 22 weekers to term babies that are large glucose unstable new borns. I wonder if God willing, we are able to have a child; a.Will it end up here b.Would I carry a baby to term or c.What will I do when I have a patient that dies on my shift. These amongst other things, are what I labor over in my mind. I see a lot, hear a lot-which I like, but when it hits home, then it becomes overwhelming....
So, movies lately are my habit, especially when its raining. I watched, 'She Found Me' with Helen Hunt. I had read the blurb online about a mother finding her biological child after giving her up for adoption yrs. ago. And of course I have interest in this kind of movies, but then what happened in the movie I least expected, really moved me. Helen Hunt's character is 39 yrs. old and desperately or shall I say passionately wants a baby, instead what seemed to be a comfortable marriage was one that her husband wanted out of. So, she thought her prospects of having a child was slim. Instead she did get pregnant (I won't don't tell you with whom), BUT at one of her OB visits her ultrasound was devastating. It was unexpected, & took my breath away & put my heart back to that place. I so vividly remembered what it felt like to be laying there, in that silence & knowing something is wrong. Then to have the days after feeling so angry & wanting to place the blame on someone, & for me that often ended up on God Now, I do feel as though I am in a better place & I don't know what His plans are and after some recent conversations with Eli, we know we want to remain faithful in His plan.
On a lighter note I also saw, 'Baby Mama' this week & my favorite quote from Angie (Amy Pohler) is, "YOU don't know my life _ITCH."........In context in the movie its funny, seriosly. :)
I love them, but yet hate them sooo much. That moment when you're at the top, or even before hand...when the coaster is cricking bit, by bit up & up & up to the top...and then RELEASE all the way down, but yet somehow your stomach was left at the top. Well I feel as if I should place a suit of armor around my heart & pray for the best, we are about to start trying (so weird to say), but yes we are having sex with ALL intentions to have a healthy baby soooon!! I hope I'm ready for the ride! ;)
Work, we all do it to some capacity in our lives. I just remember my parents always saying, "do what you love & then it won't feel so much like work." This sounds so much easier than it actually is for me. I've spent years trying to find what I like & what I'm good at. Now, I work a challenging position that I keep questioning myself over & over, is this my goal? Do I really see myself in this role 2yrs, 5yrs down the road. At this moment I say, "No!" Do I know in my heart what that may be, no. So I continue to search...search for what I love & what I truly feel like is my calling. I'll continue to do my job & pray that I bring something to it & that I'm a better person that learns from it, but right now I feel frustrated & not very knowledgeable. Ok, this is probably a tired person venting who just worked 24 hrs of her weekend & who slept way past her alarm this morning, but just wanted to put my thoughts into words. g'd night.
We're in the mist of Hurricane Season, new to us transplanted New England/Californians. People talk about it at work, in passing & so we must pay respect to mother nature, who knows what the next few weeks may bring. So as we enter this rather rainy time, here are some warm-bright things that make me happy. :)
So I can often be totally cheesy, yes-I like girl flicks, and sometimes(often)I cry at sappy commercials even. But I can't say enough about the group of friends that we've met in North Carolina. Through Eli's illness to our recent miscarriage our lives have been soooo abundant with love. From listening, hugging, talking, crying & giving- we thank-you.
We love opening our home to all of you!!
Hope you had a Happy Birthday Truly!!
(& of course we miss our Cali, Boston friends & family too)