The Turkey Sandwich

Whether it be the day after or a few hours after your feast, I just partook in my first day after turkey sandwich. It was perfect the right amount of mayo, ground pepper a bit of sea salt & toasted bread (wow I sound like Eli). He's taught me right. I may have eaten it alone, but I certainly wasn't craving it alone. I wake up most mornings btw. 6:30-7ish with a full bladder & an empty stomach. Sometimes I fight it for a bit, but when I feel the nausea moving in I surrender. This morning, I was more awake then usual & very hungry.
So here I am post sandwich, debating on some dessert.
We had a beautiful day yesterday. We are blessed to open up our home-this being the first year in it, to celebrate Thanksgiving with family & friends.

Today our plan (mostly mine) is to get a Christmas tree & decorate, again being our first year in a home, its exciting. Don't get me wrong we always decorated in our apartments, but its just somehow different in a home. We look forward to filling it & beginning traditions. :)

We are blessed!

We have each other, we have our health, & family & friends. And then I could go on; we have a home, food to nourish our bodies & clothes to keep us warm. Again at this time of year I always reflect on the year...what happened, what we endured & what I could have done, or might have done differently.
I am so Thankful that family & friends are coming over for Thanksgiving. Eli & Damaris (Eli's niece) are going to cook up a storm tomorrow & Thursday. I love when they get in the kitchen together, they truly enjoy each other's company. This is our first time hosting a holiday, being in our home for less than a year. Eli's menu is well, yummy-Even for a nauseous pregnant lady!

I'm so ready to get a tree on Friday & do all the Christmas-y stuff. I love this time of year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

We are blessed!

Awake

What to do when you awaken @ 5am on a non-work day? Well be quiet so your husband doesn't wake up too, thats the kind thing. So I make my way downstairs & eat & blog. Umm still awake. So maybe I'll watch a show or two online, that always gets me sleepy. Did last night when I fell asleep ~ 9pm on the couch, poor Eli.

We were apart all day, I worked my shift 7-7pm. Arrived home around 7:45...was HUNGRY (& maybe a little cranky) when I walked in the door. He made a light dinner we ate, talked-watched one show (I didn't even make it through it) & I was done.

I hope since I'm so awake now, I'll nap a little bit & maybe be productive & get some stuff done today. Cleaning, decorating...about 17+ people will be here for Thanksgiving. I look forward to it, Eli & I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving with family in maybe 6 yrs. Being in California, making that quick trip was kind of.. well impossible. So this is our FIRST year to host, we're excited!....

Ok, time to try to get sleepy..'Private Practice' maybe first. :)

Welcome

This makes 3 new babies to Durham in less than 1 month.
We discussed if Holly delivered yesterday when we met for home group, we began with a prayer, ended in prayer for them & then all anxiously checked our phones for a message. Bless Holly for the strength she endured throughout the day!!
So we welcome ELANA CHRISTINE!!! I'm sure your big bros. Will can't wait to meet you, just like the rest of us!

Love/Hate relationship

I like certain food a lot when it enters my mouth, but the thought of what I might want to eat these days brings be to a new level of nausea. I like grocery shopping, strange to many, but now I'm overwhelemed by all of the scents that hit me like a brick wall when I enter a store. I am in no way complaining, just commenting on how I'm feeling. My eating schedule is much like a babys every 3-4 hrs. When I don't the nausea again appears. Its weird, but interesting. I'm enjoying it & feeling blessed everyday, though--truly I am.
My body craves sleep, I almost had to go in for an OT shift today, but I got called off as I was coming out of the shower-go figure. But that meant I could go downstairs & graze & go back to sleep. Its the most simple things on Maslow's list that I crave. :)

Oops

& so I told her I was nervous. Bless her she's pregnant & previously had a miscarriage as well. She quickly began the exam & I immediately clamped down on Eli's hand with my own. I looked away & she quickly started describing what she saw. As I turned to look, I saw this blinking on the screen, a healthy heartbeat @ 159 bpm. Praise God. After she pointed things out & answered our questions, we got to hear the heartbeat, now that has to be the coolest thing ever. The heartbeat of our baby beating inside of me...truly amazing.
I couldn't ask for a better day.

Also we want to WELCOME Baby Gusefski to Durham!! We've all been anxiously awaiting you!! :)

Heartbeat & all

Ok, so for those who aren't interested in baby stuff, this probably isn't the most exciting blog for you, but man this is a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! Its rainy out, but it truly couldn't be a brighter day.
So we went....I actually met Eli there & he actually couldn't find me right away. But the Nurse Practioner was nice. Asked how we were, & I was honest

Not sure if I can go...

I am a wreck. First thing, I just awoke after working an overnight...maybe four hours of sleep, which is hardly enough. I'm not sure how I can go the doctor's appointment & lay there and actually pray more than I already have in the last 7+ weeks.
What if its bad news, but yet it could not be. Its like tossing that dime wishing for something, that's already is or not. I'm just not sure how I can do this....

Bringing home the bacon

Who should provide the income in a marriage? I bring home the main source of income now. Eli did for over 3 years in Cali, before that we both did. We've had more & more conversations about this recently. Whether its bible based or not, our feelings are aligned.
First we start discussing who we want to raise our children, and we've always agreed on this 100%. Him or I. That has never been an argument. Then we discuss which out of the two it may be. I honestly thought that I would always want to work, being a nurse affords me a schedule that puts me out of the home only 3 days a week, not too bad. Yes they are long days, but that allows me 4 days @ home. On the other side, we question if we could afford having children on just my income. And then I begin to question do I really want to be the one not at home with them all the time. I know Eli would be an amazing parent, but am I willing to give that part up, even if its only partially.
Either way I know we will work out the details, its just a blessing to have a reason to be talking about it. :)

Is there a baby in there....?

When it hurts, when I don't feel right..or when I don't feel anything at all- I wonder is there a BABY in there? For others maybe its as simple as taking a pregnancy test & knowing you're pregnant. BUT for me, my reality is & might be for a while-- what's going on in there? Its strange, its my body- but I don't know whats going on. Couldn't there be a way that I could create a secret window so I could look in at any time to know, probably NOT so much.
So back to the waiting. I've already envisioned the Dr.'s appt. on Thursday about 100 times.
I will lay on the table, they'll do the ultrasound, but I won't be able to look
If I am sooooo fortunate, we could hear/see a heartbeat. But I promise myself
not to expect that to be the case.

I sound so less faithful in my thoughts, but its my mechanism to try to protect myself.

~
On a lighter note, its Sunday, my first day off since being back from Boston. We've already made & ate breakfast-yum. Eli's painting, & I'm desiring to have some outdoor time today....then end the day with church. I LOVE Sundays! :)

Pregnancy...

7:14 Ecclesiastes
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.

Since I missed last weeks sermon, I was playing catch up between working my two night shifts this week & opened the bible and came upon this verse. It touched me, as I continued to study it I read the 'breakdown' of it in our study bible & that hit me even harder:

'God allows both good times & bad times to come to everyone. He blends them in our lives in such a way that we can't predict the future or count on human wisdom and power. We usually give ourselves credit for the good times. Then in bad times, we tend to blame God without thanking him for the good that comes out of it.'

When I got home from work now I went back to this & have read it over & over again. For some reason I'm finding great comfort in this passage. Its been over TWO weeks since I've blogged since we found out about this pregnancy.
I've been calmer than I expected I'd be, considering having the miscarriage 3 months ago. I thought I'd be a wreck & totally stressed out, but I truly thank GOD for the grace & patience he has bestowed upon me. I'd don't know what is going to happen with this pregnancy, I can & do pray for all things positive. I will be 7 weeks on Monday, still not surpassing the 8 1/2 weeks with the first one....but I know He has a plan & I desire to remain faithful in this.

Our 1st appt. with the OB/GYN is on Thursday, 11/13-ultrasound & all.