Is there a baby in there....?

When it hurts, when I don't feel right..or when I don't feel anything at all- I wonder is there a BABY in there? For others maybe its as simple as taking a pregnancy test & knowing you're pregnant. BUT for me, my reality is & might be for a while-- what's going on in there? Its strange, its my body- but I don't know whats going on. Couldn't there be a way that I could create a secret window so I could look in at any time to know, probably NOT so much.
So back to the waiting. I've already envisioned the Dr.'s appt. on Thursday about 100 times.
I will lay on the table, they'll do the ultrasound, but I won't be able to look
If I am sooooo fortunate, we could hear/see a heartbeat. But I promise myself
not to expect that to be the case.

I sound so less faithful in my thoughts, but its my mechanism to try to protect myself.

~
On a lighter note, its Sunday, my first day off since being back from Boston. We've already made & ate breakfast-yum. Eli's painting, & I'm desiring to have some outdoor time today....then end the day with church. I LOVE Sundays! :)