I pumped for the first time on Tuesday. And I have been thinking about these 5 oz. of milk ever since. For me it signifies; freedom, guilt, amazement, sustenance, joy, pain, confusion & sadness.
I am so thankful that my body has the capacity to provide nourishment for her. She was a quick learner, like a baby that had been practicing in the womb. It was never the act of breastfeeding that was hard (ok-yes my nipples were sore in the beginning-like someone took a cheese grater to them), but more so the number of times-especially in the first weeks. At times it was an hourly event. With the lack of sleep I had endured I was at my wits end, but now its much more natural (except if she's tired~she fights feeding at that point).
Now, that I'm past the 6 week post partum mark, I can pump & she can be fed a bottle. Have we done that yet, no-do I look forward to it~ well....YES & No.
This takes it away from me, its kinda weird, but at the same time I do think Eli deserves to share those feeding moments w/her even if it is not breastfeeding. I've provided her all her nourishment since she's been born & before. I will still do so, even if its given to her by her daddy. These thoughts just keep dancing in my head, I hope she takes the bottle, what if she doesn't....that will be another hurtle to figure out..
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