A babe that is not even 3 weeks is not advised. I must remember this. For all practical reasons. This post is a memory for me, for Eli & Liliana.
I loved the opportunity of being able to take a road trip. It put me in a place of adventure, feeling free & happy. But very different this time. WE are sooo blessed to have Liliana, but all the emotions that come w/being a new mom, I gotta be honest, I cried a good portion of the trip.
For reasons that I miss Eli, to be together for 10+ yrs. We are so used to traveling together. For all the places we have been. He's the packer, surprise-he organizes food for our road trips. To the mountains, beaches, National Parks. We are so truly blessed.
So when the opportunity came to visit family in Asheville- I knew Eli wanted to go, & I placed my faith that he knew best, me- not so sure I would have gone, if I didn't know how truly Eli needed a respite amongst nature. His favorite place to be, & mine too.
Liliana, not even 3 weeks--& a momma still working through a lot of emotions, wow--it was an emotionally packed weekend on my part. We made it out there in about 4 1/2 hrs. With a stop for breastfeeding (a first for me @ a rest area, not horribly bad just new & different), then a massive poop explosion...pics were taken.
I prayed a lot while there, please give me patience, grace & God please let us not wake the house of a family of 5 plus Eli's niece & husband. Its different being a mom. My worries are so different. Before, I would have been concerned of what to wear, seriously. Now its about her, what can I do to please her. But I do have to step back & remember she's a baby.
I also cried for memories- of what I remember of my old life. Eli & I got some time out on the balcony the night we arrived. We saw the most amazing shooting star. It was beautifully. But I also felt like I've lost a bit of myself. The old me would have nestled in early to make an early start for the am, a run--to watch the sunrise.
Now I breastfeed & felt like I wasn't even doing that right. Lili was not a happy camper, didn't seem like herself, for what its worth...of all of 3 weeks. I feel like I know my babe.
These emotions were strong, overwhelming, scary, and not that we are back home, I feel safe, good & loved.
Thanks Eli for being so supportive. We walk this journey together. :)
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3 comments:
Babies completely explode your world and sense of self. For what it's worth, I still feel like me. Some things are really different, but I finally feel like Me again.
i feel like you have to make a real effort to keep her from COMPLETELY taking over your life. take a night and go out. really make a point to do something for eli. (and him for you). she is amazing, but she can't be everything. you are a woman (a married woman) first.
It took me a long time to find myself again after Ina was born. Actually, I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I'm on my way. I guess I took my time grieving about my past life, while also embracing my new life. The transition takes awhile. And that's okay.
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