Transformation

Relax, relax & breathe & enjoy. Is what I kept telling myself as Anne began her work on my body. I was given a 1 hr massage from one of my main support persons during my labor. A labor that took place in the same spot, as to where the massage table over took this afternoon. As she began, tears started to well up. I was brought back in my mind to what I experienced for 5 days at our home. A long labor. The feelings, emotions are still raw from everything that I experienced in my home, but today felt like a day where I could reclaim what belongs to me. Last week~ Liliana being born @ the hospital on Monday night July 6th & we arrived back home on Wednesday afternoon...it seems longer & shorter all at the same time. The first few days were all surreal. Walking up the stairs, remembering the discomfort & frustration that accompanied the contractions. The bedroom, where most of my time was spent; walking, stretching, trying to find a comfortable position & then to our bathroom. A place I found solitude in the tub, out of the tub, back in the tub~ a dance I did over & over to bring about some sort of relief. The first few nights, trying to find the 'best' rhythm with Liliana. When to feed, where to feed, how long to feed. Will she sleep, will I sleep...will I be able to sustain this lack of sleep.
These feelings mirrored Labor, can I do this, how am doing this, how much longer can I do this, I know I can do this!

Today, as I layed on that table, I breathed--not the chanting breathes that carried me through labor but a releasing breathe that allowed me to begin to heal, just a little bit, knowing I will a lot more as the days pass..............