So for the record I want to journal how I'm feeling physically/emotionally throughout this pregnancy. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I want the memories somewhere & I would love to look back when I'm 15, 20, 30+ weeks & be like wow thats what I was going through then.
This blog was created this summer after I had my miscarriage, & the most consoling place at the time was this blog. It allowed me to get my thoughts out when I sure couldn't talk about it. I've learned plenty since then, forgave myself & God.
So here we are 10 weeks 4days. Emotionally I'm excited, but still unsure of things along the way. I know some women never have an ultrasound through their entire pregnancy, but for me its the only reassurance that everything is ok. I do feel blessed for being pregnant, but the looming thoughts of bad things are always at the back of mind. I take everyday to just sit & listen to what God wants to speak to me. & theres time when I hear, "don't worry, just don't worry anymore."
Yesterday we had our second appointment, it was with an OB nurse: we did a full medical history, & educational information about the pregnancy. Then we received information about insurance & cost, wow that was kind of overwhelming. A lot of things in my life are unknown- what genetic make-up do I have, what things may I be prone to biologically. Being adopted, you just accept these things, but when you have a child inside of you & half of the genetic make-up is yours, now thats scary. I've always been adamant about taking care of myself, but when its your baby--& you could be passing along traits you didn't know you had...again overwhelming.
For me there will be nothing more amazing than looking into the eyes of my child & seeing similarities of myself, I've never had that. I just hope they are all good.
Anywho, physically-- I am often still tired, & nauseous (the broken record part), I ate a bowl of cereal two hours ago, & my stomach is already growling... :) funny. Other than that I don't feel much yet.
I've been off for the last 9 days & head back to work the next three. Am I concerned a little, for anyone its tough to get back into the groove, when you don't feel like yourself even harder. Do I miss the patients @ work? I do.
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2 comments:
Just think - every single cell of the child inside you was created from your body. Isn't that amazing?! You have the perfect ability to grow, birth, and nurture a human. Sometimes I feel sorry for men, not being able to create people like we can.
i don't know/have never seen my bio dad and went through a lot of the same stuff you mentioned here. curious about what they would look like and all. esp b/c i don't look a whole lot like my mom. then, my kids turn out to be spitting images of my husband! haha! maybe our next one will finally look like me!
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