What if Yesterday Turned Out Differently...?

When I was in the mist of crying, painful tears yesterday ALL I could think of is God- I don't think I can do this day if its going to turn out bad. I began my day by awaking before Eli & lying in bed awaiting baby kicks. One of my favorite parts of the day...our days have been ending & beginning with sweet baby kicks. I typically enjoy a few & then Eli's hands migrate to the belly to enjoy as well.
The problem was I didn't feel ANY yesterday morning, and in the back of my mind I had to admit that I didn't feel any the night before. By the time I truly accepted the last time I felt 'kicks' was about 36 hrs prior. This seemed like a long time to me. Granted when I am @ work, which I was for 12-13 hrs on Tues. & Weds. its hard to put everything in a neat timeline in your head.
Regardless, when I awoke Thursday morning & still didn't feel them I was getting concerned. When Eli awoke & couldn't feel movements either, he got out my stethoscope & tried to hear something...only to hear my hungry stomach churning away. At this point I knew I wanted to call the Dr. and so I did.
They seemed casual at first, until I told them my message for the OB nurse & then they said, well-- you can come in right away, "how far do you live?" Then I knew of their concern & my heart & my soul truly collapsed.

How can you love someone sooo much before you have even met them. My body felt paralyzed & on my way upstairs I made about a 100 promises to God. I felt like I didn't hear a response & I wasn't sure what to do w/that, besides cry.
Thankfully we made our way to the dr.'s & waited quietly in the waiting room & as she placed the doppler on my belly, we heard sounds & then a quick, healthy heartbeat....relief flooded my body. As much as I was relieved, I also knew this could happen again in the next 14 weeks....or 40+ years.
If I feel this helpless, vulnerable now I can't even imagine what parenting will be like. WOW.....
Baby Rodriguez, I look forward to your birth & to see how my heart will be forever changed.