Lost

My heart feels lost. I'm a black & white person, meaning I like the science of things. I need to know why & how come. What does the results show? Are there lab values to back it up. What are the expected outcomes? Right now my heart doesn't know what to feel, but my mind is a constant stream of images & thoughts.

We began experiencing our first pregnancy on June 23rd. My LMP being May 24th. We started telling everyone, were we wrong in doing so? My heart does not know. Fast forward to yesterday July 23rd, to what was suppose to be our 8 week check ended in a day I don't wish upon anyone. The actual procedure, the D & C, I don't recall anything-thank God, but everything leading up to it I do.
The worst part of yesterday was laying on the examining table with the ultrasound & the NNP searching for something that wasn't there. To be eight weeks I know what should be there, wishing & praying that it was, wasn't helping. It was determined that there was no yolk sac or fetal pole, the yolk had grown but that was all.
I kept having these bad thoughts leading up, but I truly did not anticipate yesterday. In the last two weeks I was extremely exhausted, beginning to be nauseous & my hCG levels were increasing.
So I'm still asking myself, "how did we get here?"