Another.....

Was she really this small.....Ok, time has to freeze!

I am a Mother!

~July 7th


I can say this with some confidence now, 6 weeks ago I was a bit lacking in that department. I feel like I have some composure now. I feel as if I was 'all over the place.' Crying, laughing, more crying while laughing...wow I was full of so many emotions. I worried a lot about Liliana for so many reasons; why is she crying, why is she eating again, should she be eating again, is she gonna sleep, is she sleeping too much (well maybe not this one too much), is she cold/warm, is she breathing, should she be breathing like that, why is her nose runny, what does that rash mean...and simply I just CAN'T stop looking at her for all the amazingly good reasons!

Now, she sleeps, awakens to either eat or just wants company & likes to 'coo' & smile. It feels natural now, I don't feel so wound up. I thank Eli for being so supportive & for my friends for putting up w/my scatter brained 'new mommy-ness'. :) Or simply just walking along side me!! I really needed it (& need it :) )



August 20th

Momma's Milk

I pumped for the first time on Tuesday. And I have been thinking about these 5 oz. of milk ever since. For me it signifies; freedom, guilt, amazement, sustenance, joy, pain, confusion & sadness.
I am so thankful that my body has the capacity to provide nourishment for her. She was a quick learner, like a baby that had been practicing in the womb. It was never the act of breastfeeding that was hard (ok-yes my nipples were sore in the beginning-like someone took a cheese grater to them), but more so the number of times-especially in the first weeks. At times it was an hourly event. With the lack of sleep I had endured I was at my wits end, but now its much more natural (except if she's tired~she fights feeding at that point).
Now, that I'm past the 6 week post partum mark, I can pump & she can be fed a bottle. Have we done that yet, no-do I look forward to it~ well....YES & No.
This takes it away from me, its kinda weird, but at the same time I do think Eli deserves to share those feeding moments w/her even if it is not breastfeeding. I've provided her all her nourishment since she's been born & before. I will still do so, even if its given to her by her daddy. These thoughts just keep dancing in my head, I hope she takes the bottle, what if she doesn't....that will be another hurtle to figure out..