In Sickness & In Health--I love You

What do you do when your heart takes on too much & your mind doesn't know what to do with it all...?
So I've pretty much established work is work, when I'm there I'm there & when I'm not--well I'm just so content to just be. To just be in our little three, to be with friends, to be loved & to give love back.

This weekend I received a frightening call from Eli while I was @ work & at the moment he was telling me what happened a million thoughts ran through my heart, but all my mind could think of was, "Alison you're at work, alarms going off...busy prevails," But I did know immediately I didn't want Eli to be alone in it or with our child alone. Don't get me wrong if I was just at an office job, or any other job than being responsible for lives I would've left ASAP, but its just not that easy in the setting that I work. You see Eli was diagnosed with childhood Epilepsy & for some reason, still in the 11+yrs that I've known him he's continued to have more. The last one that he had was in 2003 & well now Saturday. In 2005 Eli ran through a battery of tests, one in which they tried to elicit a seizure & he was seizure free. We thought we were in the "Clear".

I don't know what its like to have one. I do know when he comes to he's dazed, has an intense (for lack of a better word) headache & well frightened cause you never know if it could come on again. He often gets intense headaches but hadn't had a seizure like this for 6+yrs. I know he tries to down play how he's feeling & well is pretty selfless in his thoughts, but now we need to get some answers & figure this thing out. Its different now, I want answers for Liliana if not for you & I. I know you wouldn't want to be anything but safe for her & so lets bathe in this together and try to get all these feelings & emotions figured out.

Thank-you so much for loving on my husband this weekend. Coming without questions & just being there. I wanted to be here with my family, but so glad we have an extended family of friends around us.

13 weeks

So here we are and the 13th week has been well... TIRING. It's my third week of work, but I'm not even sure I'd say my exhaustion is related to that, its not helping but not the sole reason for it. So we were on a great groove of sleeping at night since about week 5 or 6. She would go down in the co-sleeper next to the bed & sleep for about 5 hrs. before the first feeding of the night. There were some hiccups along the way, but overall it's been lovely.
THIS week not so much, she's been waking every 1-2 hours to eat & then not falling back to sleep so well at all. She tosses & turns in the co-sleeper almost to the point that I'm not sure how much longer she can be in it, for safety reasons. She still sleeps fairly well in the swing, but I am sooooo hesitant in putting her in it cause I feel like she should learn how to self-soothe and be able to sleep without that.....or perhaps I'm just completely wrong. Many people might ask why not in your bed, and like I've said before she's a mover & I don't sleep at all when she's in bed, I wish I could but I just don't. :(
I think another reason why I make such a big deal about her night sleep is that she still doesn't sleep long stretches during the day consistently-10 minutes there, 20 minutes here. She still will sleep in the car seat or Moby but once you put her down, on a steady/non moving object-she's awake.
I know this is just a season, but just want to remember it as well, maybe in a few weeks I'll be like what was she like @ 3 months......maybe?

Happy 3 Months Liliana!

I'm sentimental when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries & such. So of course working last night into today I couldn't wait to spend the day with you, even knowing I was a bit lacking in sleep. I love coming home to you whether you're awake or still asleep- I always pick you up for a feeding. You always welcome me with a smile.
We are still adjusting to working & more work & not sleeping so much. For instance Monday began @ 8am for us, we did errands & then made our way home around lunchtime, Eli makes it home from work around 1pm (he's up @ 6:30am for work), we attempt to take naps in the afternoon to prepare for the long night. Me working overnight & Eli w/Liliana & her feedings. I slept maybe for an hour. Not sure about Eli. After working I come home & Eli immediately heads to work. I know we don't have all this figured out, but we are just taking each day as it comes.
After being up for all those hours, I really don't want to count, its about 7:30pm now-ok 36 hrs give or take, I start to reflect about the last three months. How quickly they've gone, how much has changed & yet it feels like you were always a part of us. :)
We love you!